insomniac, music evangelist, traveler, Random Citizen

Constant craving

March 1, 2010 – 12:25 pm

At what point does something you enjoying doing or being become a passion? Is it possible to have more than one?

While preparing my coffee this morning, I wondered what I was passionate about now that I have so much time on my hands. I couldn’t think of anything. Perhaps it was the lack of caffeine in my system. Or, it’s possible that it’s time to re-evaluate the things I like doing.

Sure, some will say, “What about music?” Music is definitely a passion of mine, but in many ways, it’s something so ingrained in me that I see it as part of my being rather than something I really, really, really like. Writing is similar. No matter what, I’ll always have to write, whether it’s in a journal with a pen or punching keys on my laptop. Because I went through many years of hating my actual voice, writing became my vocal chords. Now that I’ve come to terms with “East Coast Barbie” aka my voice, I see writing as just another handy tool to have.

Maybe it’s very Cold War-era Eastern European of me, but for a very long time, the act of working was where I put so much energy. When I went to bed at night, my brain kept running through work stuff, thinking about how I could do better or running through different scenarios of how a meeting or interaction may go. Just so much overthinking!

Admittedly, I would love to have that fabled work-life balance that become such a must-have item of the 00s. But my reality is I probably won’t achieve that balance because my life needs that one “thing” in the center and the rest will revolve around it. My personal solar system, if you will. With or without a “sun,” the planets will continue to orbit, but they lose a bit of light.

My challenge is to figure out how to build a new sun from the various gases and particles that are currently dancing around me or maybe a small cluster of stars will form into something bigger and brighter.

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